I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
