there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
