I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize