bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
