We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I deserve this hangover.
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