Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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