Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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