Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
