I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
