dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
