god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
