I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
