So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
