Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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