Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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