We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
