So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
