so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
