I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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