Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Randomize
