walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
