I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
