i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
