Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
