"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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