i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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