right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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