Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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