I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
