Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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