It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
