I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
