New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
