i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why did my mother make you get naked?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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