Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
