He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
