I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
