A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
