You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im holly from the hills drunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
