It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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