marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
now i know why i became what i already was.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
