dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize