Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
