Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
