Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
