I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
