dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize