Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
