he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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