we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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