Where is the hickey?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
