I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
