She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
