Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
