I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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