Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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