please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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