i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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