i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
