Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This house was built for laser tag.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
