dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
