The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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