so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
