Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
