Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it's like iHOP with fire
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
