you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
