I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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