you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
