Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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