Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
