The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize