In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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