hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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