Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
