I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He? As in you personified your dick?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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