i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
