Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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