A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
