next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
